Many men who have sex with men (MSM) get referred to me by their straight therapists. Holding my books and other coming-out literature in their hands, they explain that their therapists have tried to help them come out. But since they say they are not gay, their therapist has sent them to me to assess their true orientation.
I have seen hundreds of heterosexual men come to my office with same-sex behaviors worried that they might be gay. However I have always been able to help these men distinguish between their organic, innate sexual and romantic orientation as well as their sexual preferences. I have always known that straight men can have sex with other men and not be gay. However that concept makes people very anxious. Some think the behavior itself defines a gay orientation. Others—particularly gays and lesbians—understandably worry that it will be used to show that people can go from gay to straight. The reality is that from the start these SMSM’s are not gay and now we have research to prove it.
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Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Grindr Syndrome
It's about time someone decided to write about the subtle way to be racist to others and even to your own community on the ever hook-up APPLICATION call Grindr. Again, you be the judge on this issue, either it is a preference or racism.
Not just a preference
Alex Rowlson goes head-to-head with the troubling terminology of our desires
We’ve all been there.
You visit a hookup or dating website, cruise somebody’s profile and are confronted with the list: no fats; no femmes; no Asians; no blacks; masc only; my age or younger; str8-acting, you be too; non-scene; and on and on. What we find is a lot of hate when all we want is head.
“Gay men have forgotten how to have sex,” says Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore, editor of the forthcoming anthology Why Are Faggots So Afraid of Faggots? “For so long that was supposed to be something gay men were good at, but I’m not so sure anymore. They might be good at the technique but not the openness. Sex should be about opening possibilities, not closing them off.”
The negative language so prevalent on Craigslist and Grindr seems to signal that the culture of sexual liberation has been replaced by sexual segregation.
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Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Cross Culture Relationship
There will be a time in your life that most of you will meet someone special and think the world of them but then realize the reality of them moving back to their country. This reality is often to real for most of us and the hardest part will be the moment where you decide to keep him here, let him go or go with him.
What is it like being a homosexual foreign male in Japan? Well ‘Scott’ age 39 (who wishes his real name not the name of his partner not be used) has agreed to tell us a little bit about what it is like. Scott will tell a little about his life here in Japan on the condition that it not involve any strictly private or embarrassing details about his relationship with his Japanese partner. Thank you Scott.
Scott met his Japanese lover ‘Taro’ (age 44) in Vancouver, Canada about 5 years ago where he was working at the time as an assistant manager of a museum. Taro soon returned to Japan, where he worked as a restaurant manager, and they corresponded over the years, occasionally meeting and traveling together to various places around South East Asia. Finally, he invited Scott to join him in Japan, and Scott hesitatingly agreed to do so.
“I had been to Japan a few times before actually moving here for the long term, so I sort of knew what to expect, but I had some worries about how I would be treated and whether I would be accepted. I just took it a day at a time” he says. “My partner wanted us to move in with his elderly mother in Northern Japan and I was kind of hesitant about doing that. I mean I didn’t know how people would react. Everyone knows him (Taro) and they soon understood what my relationship with him was. I was worried about living in a conservative city in Northern Japan.”
More read
What is it like being a homosexual foreign male in Japan? Well ‘Scott’ age 39 (who wishes his real name not the name of his partner not be used) has agreed to tell us a little bit about what it is like. Scott will tell a little about his life here in Japan on the condition that it not involve any strictly private or embarrassing details about his relationship with his Japanese partner. Thank you Scott.
Scott met his Japanese lover ‘Taro’ (age 44) in Vancouver, Canada about 5 years ago where he was working at the time as an assistant manager of a museum. Taro soon returned to Japan, where he worked as a restaurant manager, and they corresponded over the years, occasionally meeting and traveling together to various places around South East Asia. Finally, he invited Scott to join him in Japan, and Scott hesitatingly agreed to do so.
“I had been to Japan a few times before actually moving here for the long term, so I sort of knew what to expect, but I had some worries about how I would be treated and whether I would be accepted. I just took it a day at a time” he says. “My partner wanted us to move in with his elderly mother in Northern Japan and I was kind of hesitant about doing that. I mean I didn’t know how people would react. Everyone knows him (Taro) and they soon understood what my relationship with him was. I was worried about living in a conservative city in Northern Japan.”
More read
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
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